Like many people who live with chronic illness I find myself at the doctor’s office more than I would like. I absolutely loath going there because it takes up all my energy and wastes an entire day. It’s also not even helpful to go, I only go to get medication refills. It’s basically just throwing money away, so I get pretty cranky when I have to do it.
However, due to its downtown location the doctors office always has some interesting characters. People come from all over the world to get treatment in this medical center so you never know what you’re going to get. My favorite thing to do while I’m wasting my day in the waiting room is to listen to other people’s conversations. I promise you I’m not snooping, every one of these conversations was said at a higher than usual tone of voice. They could have been overheard a mile away. So here’s a few of my favorite things I’ve overheard from just my last two visits, I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
Oh my boob touching Lord!
This was said during a phone conversation. Boob touching Lord was brought up several times and I still don’t know who this Lord is or why she/he touches boobs.
2.
Does it count if I spell it wrong?
Overheard from a nice man joking with the desk clerk while filling out his name on his billing paperwork. The clerk did not seem amused, though to be fair I’ve never seen her crack a smile. I’m not sure if she’s capable.
3.
This better not take long, I haven’t had a smoke in 15 minutes.
Not sure how this person functions in day to day society if they have to smoke every 15 minutes. Unfortunately for this person, the wait was closer to two hours. I wonder how many smoke breaks she had to take?
4.
Oh Lord Jesus help me, I broke a nail
This was apparently a truly tragic occurrence. I admit I nearly choked trying to smother my laughter.
5.
I can shoot somebody dead at 200 yards
God bless Texas. Nobody loves guns as much as Texans do. Hopefully this was just a boast, not a promise. I’m going to go with that assumption
6.
I offered him a bunch of sh** but he no take it
I quote this word for word. It was someone on a cell phone who may or may not be a drug dealer. I’m still undecided.
7.
I know you’re trying to kill me
This was said to the office worker who informed the patient that the wait would be “just a little bit longer.” I’ll admit my sympathies were with the person who thought the wait would kill them. I thought it would kill me too.
8.
I’m ‘rollin in sh**
I assume this wasn’t literal, but there was no context for this comment. To this day I’m consumed with curiosity about what kind of sh** it was.
9.
Man, this crew is goin to jail
Another cell phone conversation from another drug dealer? Who knows, in Houston anything is possible.
10.
You owe me more beer
Does anyone else have a doctor’s office that’s as interesting as mine? This was collected in two visits, I can’t even imagine what I could collect if I kept it up!
These are absolutely fantastic! I think I must be in my own little world a lot of the time when I’m waiting at the doctors or hospital for an appointment as I’ve never heard anything as amazing as some of these – thanks for the chuckles!!x
Haha! Yea I also hear some funny shit at my docs’ 😉 And that’s one of the main ways of identifying an American overseas btw – they talk louder than everyone else 😉
That’s so true. As American as I am, it drives me crazy how loud Americans talk!
Haha! I’m not sure if it differs from region to region, but it really is a trademark 🙂 Hope you have a lovely day! x