The truth about chronic pain, depression, and suicide

A conversation on my Facebook page about the side effects of living with long term chronic pain reminded me that I needed to address this topic. I’ve avoided it because I don’t like getting too personal or emotional on my blog, and talking about depression and suicide gets really emotional. However, the more discussion I had with other people in pain, the more people I found that have been in similar places to me. The fact is that being in pain is horrible. It is draining physically and emotionally. It takes over every aspect of your life, and that is demoralizing.

Experiencing depression because of chronic pain

I kept up a positive attitude about my illness for a long time. Once I went beyond the “why me!” stage I realized I just needed to get over it and move on.

And I did.

For the most part

I went through years being mostly okay. But through those years my illness got worse and worse, and my life because more and more limited. Doctors became less and less helpful until I got to a point where I stopped seeing them altogether because my visits were futile. I got tired of constantly explaining my illness, and I got tired of the constant accusations that I was an addict. I was tired of being accused of being lazy and unmotivated. And I was tired of being told that if I just had a good attitude my health would get better.

The last year or two have been dark, and  I just lost myself completely. I mostly dropped my friends and the few activities I was maintaining (it didn’t help that many of my friends moved away). I became home bound as my body failed, and I became disconnected from all the healthy people in my life. I wasn’t suicidal, but I often wondered how I could keep living my life this way forever. I didn’t mind the thought of dying because that would be the only way to end the pain. Because goodness knows, doctors weren’t going to do it. The hardest part about this mindset was that I wasn’t wrong. The pain was never going to go away, and it has always been unlikely that I’d find a doctor even willing to take me as a patient, much less actually try to manage my pain.

Finally things got to a point where my mental health was affecting my kids’ lives, and I didn’t want that. I finally got the guts to call a therapist and they all rejected me because they were full. At that point I figured I was a lost cause, but somehow I got the courage to call one more place and leave a message. They took me on as a patient, and though I’m still a bit of a mess (since the pain and its side effects haven’t gone anywhere), I’m doing much better mentally. Finding mental wellness will always be a bit of a process.

Link between chronic pain and suicide

I don’t have the words to explain what it’s like to live with chronic pain.

I was actually listening to a podcast recently by the author John Green, and he shared that there are no words in english to describe what it is to live in constant pain. And if John Green can’t find the words, I certainly won’t be able to.

What I do know is that pain is all consuming. You can try to distract yourself, but the pain is always there waiting for you. And the fact that almost no one is interested in acknowledging your suffering makes it more unbearable.

Nearly one in 10 suicide deaths in the U.S. occurs in people with chronic pain Click To Tweet

Nearly one in 10 suicide deaths in the U.S. occurs in people with chronic pain. It is fairly common these days to read heart rending articles like this one about people who were forced into suicide because no one wanted to treat their horrific pain. And yet, people in pain who are killing themselves are still not the face of the “opioid crisis.” That still belongs to those who are addicted to drugs. As glad I am that people are starting to take addiction more seriously, I don’t understand why those same people aren’t willing to take pain seriously.

The neglect of people in pain has become so severe that the Human Rights Watch has weighed in.

“Physicians need to be cautious when prescribing these medications,” said Mills. “But policies that foster fear rather than appropriate prescribing needlessly force patients into unnecessary pain and a diminished quality of life.”

“Needlessly force patients into unnecessary pain.” This is where we’ve come to. It’s no wonder that so many people in pain decide they can no longer bear being on this earth any longer. If we want to reduce suicides of people in pain those people need support, love, and most importantly medical care.