I had a moment of peace the other day. It came at an odd time, certainly not when I would have expected it. I was riding my bike on the way home from picking my son up at school. I do this everyday because there are no sidewalks for him to ride on,and it’s not safe for him to go alone. Every day it’s hard on me to do this 3 mile round trip bike ride. Every day I’m frustrated by the fact that the ride never gets easier for me. The very small hills I have to ride up are always difficult, every single day I climb them and end up out of breath and I feel pain in my legs, and it all infuriates me. I can’t help but wish I could have a normal body that would adapt to doing the same exercise day after day.
Yesterday was was a difficult day as usual. The wind was blowing against me and I wasn’t sure if I could make it home. I didn’t really have a choice since I had to get home somehow, but it was bad enough that I was considering hopping off my bike and walking.
Chronic illness is a struggle
It’s normally an effort to keep up with my son, but due to a finger injury that somehow impaired his ability to ride a bike, he kept falling behind. I kept stopping and waiting for him, encouraging him to continue on despite his grievous injury (not that it was actually grievous, but to a 9 year old it was). Every time I stopped and looked back at him struggling it reminded me that was usually me. But today he was the one struggling and I was the one helping him. After the third or fourth stop it finally clicked for me that I’m always going to struggle. I’m going to struggle riding my bike every day for the rest of the year. I’m going to struggle with my illness every day for the rest of my life. But, that doesn’t stop me from encouraging others who struggle. That doesn’t stop me from helping others along the way. I can be a voice of support and hope.
I'm going to struggle with my illness every day for the rest of my life, but that doesn't stop me from encouraging others who struggle. Click To TweetThis experience reminded me of a quote I read in high school:
“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
–Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms
I’m not generally one for trite words and inspiring posts. Mostly I find them eye roll worthy because they often focus on mind over matter and just getting over your pain or your illness. But I do think there is something to be said for being strong in the broken places. I know that I too can be strong in the broken places, we all can. I can be strong for my son even when bike riding is hard. I can be strong for my family even when living in pain is hard. And I can be a strong support for those who struggle.
Hello Shelley,
I love this inspiring post. Especially since, like you said, it it isn’t filled with trite words or empty inspirations. Being strong for one another is all the inspiration we need, and all we have to give sometimes. Sending you gentle hugs and I’m hoping the ride gets a little easier for you, even if you struggle.
Thanks Leanne!
I love that quote, about strength in the broken places. I think you’re absolutely right about how there is strength there when times get tough, and sometimes we don’t realise it, perhaps don’t even have the confidence in ourselves to think we can deal with what life throws our way. And yet we do, we keep going, somehow, even if we don’t know quite how we did it. How’s your son’s finger, by the way? Poor little guy! If ever you doubt your own strength, read some of the comments people leave you here. I think you show incredible resilience, compassion, strength, thoughtfulness; you’re a tough cookie!! Caz xx
He’s recovered thankfully. He had a science experience go sideways as school and got burned pretty badly. Thanks so much for your kind words Caz!