Living with chronic pain isn’t easy and it doesn’t help that many pain suffers feel completely misunderstood. Here are some of the things that people in pain regularly hear, and why they are incorrect.
1. I know what you deal with now because I’ve had (insert minor ailment here) this week.
Having the flu or a minor surgery is not the same as having chronic pain. Here’s a big difference, you get better from those things and chronic illness never goes away. Don’t get me wrong, the attempt to relate is appreciated, but the comparison trivializes pain. It’s hard to truly understand until you’ve been in pain day in and day out for years upon years.
2. Maybe if you did this (insert crazy diet or expensive product here) you would get better
This is usually said by people who like to think people in pain don’t actually want to get better. They don’t realize that we’ve tried a million different things to see if anything makes even an iota of difference. Unfortunately what most of us have to show for all the things we’ve tried is less money. Most of us are not millionaires, and there are an unending amount of “cures” out there for pain. If they actually worked more people would know about them. It would be better if people would stop taking advantage of those with chronic pain by claiming their organic goat’s milk from Timbuktu which costs $399 a month (for 3,000 months) is a cure.
People need to stop taking advantage of those with chronic pain by claiming their organic goat's milk from Timbuktu that costs $399 a month (for 3,000 months) is a cure. Click To Tweet3. You probably need to exercise more, exercise always makes me feel better
Exercise does not work for everyone with chronic pain. I walk two miles a day four days a week, and bike 3 miles a day. All I accomplish by it is increasing my pain level and decreasing my energy level. It negatively impacts my health, but doctors could care less about that and I have to do what they want to get their assistance. It would be much better for my body to just do yoga, but what works best for my body isn’t the priority for anyone else.
4. Chronic pain is mind over matter
I imagine it must be really nice to have the luxury of pretending that chronic pain isn’t really a thing. I honestly hope that people who think this never find out how wrong they are. I’ve tried to explain pain so many times on this blog, but words will always fall short. All I can say is it’s not my job to prove that my disease is real.
5. You can do anything you set your mind to
This is one of the biggest ways people with chronic pain are misunderstood. A statement like this clearly comes from someone who has able-bodied privilege. All their successes are based on the privilege of having a working body. Unfortunately, having a working body is not a guarantee in life, there are many who are limited by what their body can do. I personally can will my body as much as I want, but it isn’t going to obey me. I can’t do whatever I feel like because my body will stop me if I don’t treat it a certain way. I can push through to a certain degree, but because my body doesn’t work right there are always consequences. The more I push the more damage I do to my body.
Having a working body is not a guarantee in life. Click To Tweet6. You just need a positive attitude
I don’t disagree that a positive attitude can get you a long way, but a good attitude can not fix something that is broken. A positive attitude helps people with chronic pain to cope with our illnesses but it is not a cure. We cannot wish our health problems away with our attitude.
7. You’re just being lazy
It’s hard to describe how hard this is to hear. When you’re trying your hardest to fight your body and live your life as much as possible, being told you’re lazy is heartbreaking. When you put so much effort into faking being well, it’s horrible to hear that you should be trying harder.
8. You’re just an addict
For some reason, in the current opioid hysteria, no one is listening or caring about those with chronic pain. People forget that addiction and dependence are two different things. People in pain are looking for a way to reduce their pain so they can live their lives, they are not looking to get high.
You have got all of these so spot on. I nodded to every one. Some are beyond ignorant and can be pretty damn hurtful, making us feel worse than we already do. Sometimes people can be well-meaning but off in their thinking of what’s helpful. These kinds of assumptions, like with needing to exercise more or trying x/y/z or fatigue equalling laziness, are dangerous.
Fantastic post!
Caz xx
Ah, these comments made me feel a bit sad because it’s so true! I think it’s my biggest wish – for people to just understand what we go through every single day.
Exercise, sigh. I’m so impressed by your daily exercise. How we wish that was what it took to fix our broken bodies! I guess we aren’t thinking positively enough.
First-time reader of your blog and new fibro mom blogger here. Thanks for putting into words what is true and devastating for so many of us.
It always astonishes me that people will recommend some strange thing and think we simply do not want to get better if we don’t do it. Simply because we do not have the time and patience to tell them the 100 things we actually Do or the Million things we actually tried.
The lazy stigma though… I have a special loathing for that one. That one seems to crop up all sorts of places but definitely with employers or co-worthers who never see you at your worst and only see you when you are faking it to get through. So clearly if you can be there one day… you must be just lazy and not Wanting to work.
Oh the one about trying new so-called cures really gets me every time. I’ve had such ludicrous things suggested to me from people who have no health issues at all.