How to be brave in the face of chronic illness

Let’s talk about bravery. The word conjures of an image of heroes, fictional or real.  Currently we’re having conversations about the bravery of the nurses and doctors that are saving lives during this pandemic. These conversations are important right now and I don’t want to take away from them , but today I want to talk about a different type of bravery, one that often goes unacknowledged and unnoticed. What we as a society are not talking about right now (and we probably never will) is the bravery it takes to go to the doctor when you have a chronic illness.

No one talks about the bravery it takes to go to the doctor when you have a chronic illness. Click To Tweet

When you first get sick with an illness that just won’t go away you have to go from doctor to doctor attempting to find out what is wrong. Each doctor you meet at best says they cannot help you, and at worst says that you are lazy and you are faking it. So you move to the next doctor, retelling all your symptoms, trying desperately to explain it right so that THIS doctor will believe you. But of course, they don’t, and you somehow have to find the courage to find another doctor, and this time you’re determined to tell the story correctly so they can’t write you off.

This is bravery

At this point you’re starting to wonder if you really are crazy or if you really are faking it. Doctors are smart (they have to be in order to get through medical school) so does that mean they are smarter than you? Could you be making a big deal out of nothing? Could they know more about your body then you do? You decide to try things their way. You try to push away the pain and the suffering and pretend it’s not real. Maybe you can wish it away.  Maybe if you try hard enough it won’t be a problem anymore. You try to push through and live a normal life. but your body collapses and you’re worse off then when you started.

This is bravery

 

After your entire life has completely crashed and burned because you tried to ignore your body you reluctantly search for another doctor. You dread being vulnerable and opening yourself up to judgement yet again. You’re tired of trying to justify that you are worthy of treatment. Shouldn’t everybody be worthy of treatment? Why should you have to prove this? When you go to the doctor’s office your anxiety is through the roof. You say to yourself over and over again, “please, please let them believe me this time.”

This is bravery

 

The doctor comes in and you retell the whole story all over again. You feel the pressure to tell your story and explain your symptoms in the “right way” so that no one can blame you for yet another doctor ignoring your symptoms.  You tell your story, and then you wait. You wait to be dismissed. You wait to be ignored. You wait to be told you’re not worthy of treatment. You wait to be despised. You wait for answers. You desperately hope that this time, this doctor will be able to help you.

This is bravery