I’ve written before about supporting someone with chronic illness by believing them and validating what they’re going through. Today though, we’re talking about tangible ways that can help someone with chronic pain and make a difference in someone’s day.
My love language is food. I love to bake bread and share it with people, because who doesn’t love bread? But during the pandemic that didn’t seem like a safe option, so I’ve been struggling to find different ideas. After a bunch of googling it occurred to me that I’m not the only one who doesn’t know the best way to love and support someone going through a hard time. No one likes that helpless feeling when they can’t fix what their friend/or family member is going through. People generally do want to find tangible ways to help someone with chronic pain.
1. Food and chocolate
Food is my go-to just because that’s how I roll, and I like baking. You don’t need to spend 5 hours making bread though, it brightens someone’s day if you just drop by with their favorite chocolate. It’s not really about the food though, it’s about the thought that went into it. According to Patrick Wanis, a relationship and human behavior expert:
Food incorporates all the other five love languages and all five senses. It’s a very powerful way of creating a connection and expressing love
I also grew up in a family that was always bringing meals to people who were in crisis. My mom would organize a meal train so that whatever was happening, the family would not have to worry about food. However, sometimes a simple gift basket does the trick if you don’t have the time or energy for cooking (if you do, check out my kitchen and cooking tips for chronic pain).
Related posts: Finding your way to reduced stress with chronic pain
2. Give them a hug
Sometimes there is not a lot for you to say besides “I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Beyond that, a physical hug (if they consent) may be the best thing you can do. Hugs can:
- reduce stress
- can raise your oxytocin level (which is associated with happiness)
- can help people feel less isolated
- can help you communicate your feelings
3. Thoughtful notes
This could be as easy and sending something encouraging through the mail, or just dropping something on the doorstep. For people with chronic pain just knowing that someone is thinking of you makes all the difference. If you’re limited on time, there are some amazing options available online. I just purchased a set of these because sometimes brain fog stops me from writing what I would like.
4. Flowers or plants
When we picture flowers we think of huge, expensive bouquets but that’s not necessary. We all live on a budget and luckily there are simpler options. I often just take a trip to the grocery store and pick up a small plant or flower. It’s better than an expensive arrangement because the plant can actually stay alive, and it doesn’t break the bank.
5. Make them laugh
At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.
— Jean Houston
I’m a big believer in the gag gift. There’s nothing better than making a friend laugh when they are going through the worst of the worst. When my friends or family members have surgery, I almost always send them a stuffed body part. I’ve also sent toilet paper with certain people’s faces on it. Completely useless yes, but good for a laugh, absolutely.
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6. Regular communication
If your friend or family member is going through a flare, sometimes they don’t have the energy to communicate. Don’t let that stop you. Keep sending them texts to show you’re thinking about them, and let them know you don’t expect a response unless they’re up to it. This is an important way to show you care without putting any burdens on the person you’re trying to help.
Hopefully, this gave you a few tangible ways to show you care. Of course, the #1 way to show someone with chronic pain that you care is to believe and listen to them.
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